quarantine feels, a year later.

Hi, Filmaholic here!

Today, a year ago I wrote a piece called ‘quarantine feels’. It was the first thing I had written since the pandemic hit and like most of the world, I was in a lethargic state, living on my bed with a head full of concern and anxiety. Fast forward to today and nothing has changed, actually that’s a lie, things have changed, just for the worse. The contrast between actual cases and the fear regarding the virus has been flipped. The immense and collective fear we all had has decipated for different reasons.The entire world has made entered a new age of normalcy and it’s really not beneficial, to any of us. At this point, some of us aren’t even living anymore, we’re just existing and coping as best as we can.

It is no secret that this pandemic has worsened out mental health to an alarming degree. We were so used to relying on social interaction and outdoor activities that the minute we had to rely on ourselves to find a sense of motivation or enjoyement, we got intimidated. The one bright side to this pandemic is seeing how we all came together to give ourselves a common distraction whether it was making banana bread, re-watching ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ or screaming the lyrics to ‘driver’s license‘ whenever it came on. The internet wasn’t really affected so there was always something we could rely on to feel united, even if it was just making banana bread. That being said, the reminder that we are officially a year in, isn’t really helping. We can only do so much to keep ourselves occupied and fulfilled within our rooms, we can only walk past the same street so many times before getting tired of it. I cannot tell you how much my room has changed since last March because I needed something somewhat exciting in my environment.

Being in a pandemic is essentially you having to be with yourself for an incredibly long time and with mental health being so fragile right now, it’s going to be really difficult for some. For me personally, last year was the worst I have ever felt, there were days where I could barely bring myself to get out of bed, I felt so numb that I couldn’t even find entertainment in movies or television because they felt like a chore. Eventually I got better and by the end of the year I genuinely felt like I was in a better place. That being said, I didn’t expect for me to fall again so suddenly. I won’t lie, this year has been really dreary so far. The only bright side has been my Fridays because it’s when a new episode of ‘WandaVision’ comes out. I have come up with a project that’s keeping me rather busy and have at least something to look forward but even then, I have to depend on stores being open for me to still keep going on with it.

We have this preconceived notion that happiness or in this case good mental health is permanantly fixed. That is never, ever the case. A part of life is realizing that problems are constant, it is what makes the good in life feel so rewarding. We can’t expect that if we’re doing good now that things won’t get bad again. Of course I’m speaking in terms of mental health since it is the one thing we actually can have control over. It is perfectly normal to feel sad or depressed, you have to be honest with yourself with how bad it feels so that you can move on. Finding light in such a dark time in the world takes a lot of effort so be kind to yourself until it happens. That being said, while it’s important to feel what you are feeling, you can’t allow yourself to give in and fall into a spiral. You have to get yourself up and move towards a brighter place. Every step, no matter how small it is, is a step towards being in a better place and it is crucial to understand that mental health is a rocky road so be kind to yourselves.

Mental health has become a very important subject to me and I know that it can be hard to maintain even without a pandemic so the fact that we’re in one prompts a nice reminder to take care of ourselves. No matter where you are in your life right now, whether you’re living in your bed, going to school or work or looking for a job, I am proud of you. This is a time to focus on yourself and your well-being so you need to do whatever feels right to you. That being said I do hope you take care of yourselves, mentally and physically, my twitter dms are always open if you need to talk. I know that you can do this and remember, even just getting out of bed is a big step. If you are reading this and you’re doing well mentally, I’m proud of you and I hope you share some compassion and understanding to those who could use it. If you’re someone who needed to hear this, I’m proud just as much and just know that getting to a better place is not something that can be rushed, it is a totally unique and personal experience to everyone so move at your own pace. It’s not a permanent solution but being present and working on feeling good now instead of feeling good as long as possible is a huge help. Let’s try our best to get vaccinated, work with the precautions and measures and try and get rid of Miss Rona once and for all!

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